Helping Family

[tutusue]

Re: Helping Family

[...]Wish me luck, because I really need all the luck I can get.

I hope that God & Jesus Crist will be there giving (or whispering) me the anwers, I am so desperate. lol. .

Aloha. :-)

This situation doesn't involve "luck". Do what you know is right, keep the faith and know that "right" rarely equals "easy".

[Walkoff Balk]

Re: Helping Family

I felt sorry for Frank Fasi's oldest son on the news for allegedly stealing someone's backpack even when I know he's probably the defintion of "entitlement."

[Amati]

Re: Helping Family

Hi Serenity,

Well, since you asked for our thoughts, here's mine.
IMHO:
Your first obligation (besides yourself) is to your children (if any).
Then to be respectful of your husband (and his safety and peace of mind, especially while in his own home).
Then to the welfare of your parents, grandparents, siblings, and elderly relatives.
Then to other relatives who are in need due to situations not of their own fault (such as your fearful ex-cousin-in-law).
Way way way down on the list would be a drug abusing cousin.
And that this cousin disrespects your husband is reason enough to eliminate him from your home life.

Think of your priorities, and making the correct choices will be easier.

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

Thanks so much for the supprt , I have to study all the way through the 23rd, becuse I have a test I have to take, in short, if I don't pass it, I will have to take the class again.

My cousin came by late morning Friday, and wanted to take a shower, supposodly have some kind of nice dinner to go to, and he said supposidly he would come by to pick up his junk today (Saturday), I'll wait and study. My hubby said that if he doesn't comeby to pck it up at a set date, then he would donate his junk.

I'll post up the update (later sometime) when I finish my test.

Wish me luck, because I really need all the luck I can get.

I hope that God & Jesus Crist will be there giving (or whispering) me the anwers, I am so desperate. lol. .

Aloha. :-)

UPDATE!!.............

Sorry so late.

I passed my test on my last class. YAY!!. I have one more class to attend, & pass that test to pass that class. There after, I have to take a really BIG test inorder for me to get that cirtificate.

Second,

My cousin, never came back to pick up his crap. I left several messages at the I.H.S. evidently he never got those messages, I guess because he doesn't like being there, & I held on to his junk as much as I could, & as long as I could. My hubby didn't want to keep my cousin's junk any longer, he didn't want to feel like a storage place for him, & plus didn't want all that negative vibes off of his belongings, so my hubby just donated my cousin's stuff away. I seriously don't blame him (my hubby) for that.

Long story short, down the road much later, I found out that he is back in the hospital again (in Kaneohe ??), evidently he had a major appointment he had to attend, but didn't go to it, so therefore, there was a bench warrant out for him. So, that is where he is now.

Thank goodness, too!!!.

He might be there for a couple of months, not sure how long. I hope down the road that they find him some sort of housing, & some kind of a job, so he can be independent again.

One of his case manager called for him in regards to his stuff, So I explained it to him about my cousin's stuff, & to tell him about it too.

Later, my cousin would call, then I wouldn't pick it up, I thought he might be mad at me. Turns out, he never got the message from his one of his case manager, because his case manager haven't gone to visit him yet to tell him, so when I picked up the phone on accident, cuz, I was expecting another call, turned out it was my cousin on the phone.

He seemed pretty nice when he recently called me, like when he was in the hospital long ago, when we use to visit him. I think he is more controlled as well as his meds. I hope he gets better. I hated it when he was showing his mental stabillity side. He was talking & arguing with his invisible friend next to him. I was afraid for my life, that if his invisible friend might encourage him to be violent, then where will I be?, you know?.

When my cousin called for his blankets (which I no longer have), I couldn't bare to let him know (he sounded nice & normal). I felt so bad about having it donated, so I changed the conversation a littlebit, then we both hung the phone up.

I just told my hubby that, to bring my cousin's important papers in person to him, & do that man to man thing, & explain the whole thing about having his stuff donated etc. I don't think I would be able to bare telling him in person, & I just didn't want to get all stressed out. I already have enough problems going on around me, & things to do, that I don''t want anything additional.

well, that is as far as I know. I will post more when I can.

In continuation of as the world of Serenity turns. ( "As the world turns" ) lol.

Aloha.

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

Hi Serenity,

Well, since you asked for our thoughts, here's mine.
IMHO:
Your first obligation (besides yourself) is to your children (if any).
Then to be respectful of your husband (and his safety and peace of mind, especially while in his own home).
Then to the welfare of your parents, grandparents, siblings, and elderly relatives.
Then to other relatives who are in need due to situations not of their own fault (such as your fearful ex-cousin-in-law).
Way way way down on the list would be a drug abusing cousin.
And that this cousin disrespects your husband is reason enough to eliminate him from your home life.

Think of your priorities, and making the correct choices will be easier.

Well said, and so true.

Thank you.

Thank you for YHO . (your humble opinion).

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

UPDATE!!.............

In continuation of as the world of Serenity turns. ( "As the world turns" ) lol.

Aloha.

Hey, all, My hubby & I went to LV NV on Aug. 14-24th. It was soo darn HOT!! We didn't want to go at that time, but my mom's room mate was going to be out the whole month of Aug. so We took that oppurtunity, irregardless of the weather. During the day was over 100 degrees ( 105- 107)!!. At nights 95 degrees. UGH!!

Any ways, glad we are home.

So, my cousin calls now & then, but I don't pick up, I am affraid that he would get mad at me, &/or I would have to hear it from his mouth .

What does anyone think of this?? Am I being cruel in not naswering his calls to me? & just having him leave messages on the answering machine?? Or should I just finally pick up the phone & talk to him??

I am still a wee bit angry about the fact that he told me that I shouldn't listen to my hubby, although that was when he was out & about, roaming free & mentally unstable. Should I forgive him & realize that, he did not know what he was saying?? or do you think he really knew what he was actually saying at all???

What shall I do??? I have been marching back & forth in my head about this, & still no conclusion to it all.

I feel bad that I don't pick up the phone, yet, I feel bad & guilty that he might get mad at me & start yelling at me.

What would you do??

Hope to hear from you soon.

[tutusue]

Re: Helping Family

Serenity...an answer can be found within the 20 posts preceding your last post. I don't think there's any more that can be added at this point. Best of luck to you.

[Amati]

Re: Helping Family

What would you do??

TutuSue was correct, it's all been said before. It is a sad situation for you, but still the SAME situation, yes?
Remember what your mama always said, "don't play with fire".

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

Thanks for replying back.

[Nords]

Re: Helping Family

Thanks for replying back.

I think it's perfectly fine to let voicemail give him the outlet he's seeking. That's what answering machines were made for, and we leave our machine to do the answering for the vast majority of the time. When I call others, I think that at least two-thirds of my calls go to voicemail.

If he has a request or an apology for you then you'll hear it on the voicemail. Otherwise he's just spoiling for an argument, and as you've said-- that question has already been answered.

[kani-lehua]

Re: Helping Family

move on and stop letting your cousin emotionally and psychologically blackmail you. it's time to "divorce" your cousin.

[turtlegirl]

Re: Helping Family

So, my cousin calls now & then, but I don't pick up, I am affraid that he would get mad at me, &/or I would have to hear it from his mouth .

What does anyone think of this?? Am I being cruel in not naswering his calls to me? & just having him leave messages on the answering machine?? Or should I just finally pick up the phone & talk to him??
.....
I feel bad that I don't pick up the phone, yet, I feel bad & guilty that he might get mad at me & start yelling at me.

Awww, Serenity, poor girl. I can see you feel guilty about not being 'there' for your cousin at his beck and 'call'. Guilt can be a very strong emotion, and I can see why you are conflicted about this. You are not being cruel...he will be allright.

Keep at it. Don't answer when he calls - let the answering machine pick up. If he needs something truly important, you can always call him back later. Or he will call you again, if what he has to say is truly important. It will be hard on both of you at first, but it gets easier with time. Sigh.

Best wishes

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

I think it's perfectly fine to let voicemail give him the outlet he's seeking. That's what answering machines were made for, and we leave our machine to do the answering for the vast majority of the time. When I call others, I think that at least two-thirds of my calls go to voicemail.

If he has a request or an apology for you then you'll hear it on the voicemail. Otherwise he's just spoiling for an argument, and as you've said-- that question has already been answered.

Awww, Serenity, poor girl. I can see you feel guilty about not being 'there' for your cousin at his beck and 'call'. Guilt can be a very strong emotion, and I can see why you are conflicted about this. You are not being cruel...he will be allright.

Keep at it. Don't answer when he calls - let the answering machine pick up. If he needs something truly important, you can always call him back later. Or he will call you again, if what he has to say is truly important. It will be hard on both of you at first, but it gets easier with time. Sigh.

Best wishes

Thank you so much for replying back with a great clearity in mind!!.

I will wait (for as long as it takes), for that special message of an apology &/or a request or both other than wanting to only reply back to his calls (or to call him back). Thanks again.

move on and stop letting your cousin emotionally and psychologically blackmail you. it's time to "divorce" your cousin.

Out of respect to you, thank you for replying bck, too. :-)

I only hope that my cousin can make the hospital his permanent residence, because I think he does not do so well out on his own & keeping track of his meds alone aswell.

Perhaps maybe, someday when he is mentally better, he can be finally be independent & secure in his well being, & secure in his own mind aswell.

I can hope & pray, & that's all I can seem to do. Finding out now a days, going to kaneohe (to visit him) would trully be a big waste of gas, since gas is so expensive now a days .

Thanks again. Aloha. @-<--<--|

[kani-lehua]

Re: Helping Family

i'm telling you from first hand experience with several of my "family" members. the "divorce" was not easy and still tugs at my heart when i think about it. so, i try not to. i, too, am waiting for an apology that may never come and cannot bring myself to totally forgive them for the decades of emotional and psychological hurt/blackmail that they did. i chose to move on and interact with positive people.

wishing you well(ness), to you and your cousin, serenity.

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

i'm telling you from first hand experience with several of my "family" members. the "divorce" was not easy and still tugs at my heart when i think about it. so, i try not to. i, too, am waiting for an apology that may never come and cannot bring myself to totally forgive them for the decades of emotional and psychological hurt/blackmail that they did. i chose to move on and interact with positive people.

wishing you well(ness), to you and your cousin, serenity.

Thank so very much . Alas, I too, may never get that apology I so desrve.

My cousin, may infact probably never know what he has done, if or when he does come up to having clarity & realization.

He will probably continue to be upset at me/us for donating all his junk.

I on the other hand, made the mistake long ago (which I thought was out of kindness for him), of letting him send his mail to our address, & we still continue to do so, irregardless of whether he is in kaneohe or not (infact he is still in kaneohe).

So, I just mailed his recent mail to kaneohe, along with other mail information for change of address so he can do so from where he is.

I suppose, at this point, (which his letters/mail seem to be important), we are continuing to send his mail out to kaneohe via priority mail.

I wonder though, once I receive it, is it possible to re mail/re derect it to another mail address by just writing a new address to forward it to him??

I.E. John Doe XX street, Honolulu Hawaii 96800
"please forward to address XXX kaneohe Hawaii 96744" ???

Or re mailing it in a 12.5 by 9.5 priority envelope would be better?

Or does it even matter which way it is mailed out to him as long as he gets it?.

Since I don't speak to him/return his calls, I will never know if he has made any effort to take care of his mail in changing his address, instead of us continuing to receive it. I don't know how long that will continue too.

What's your thoughts on that? or anyone?

12:03 am

Nite nite. Hope to hear from one of you soon.