Helping Family

[helen]

Re: Helping Family

I just hope that I don't come off as being selfish in having my own thread to wimp & sob about stuff?

Your not and you have no need to apologize for your action on this matter. In fact this thread should be just dedicated to discussing your family problem.

Anyone else who wants to discuss their family problem should just create a new thread in the All in the 'Ohana subforum.

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

Your not and you have no need to apologize for your action on this matter. In fact this thread should be just dedicated to discussing your family problem.

Anyone else who wants to discuss their family problem should just create a new thread in the All in the 'Ohana subforum.

Thanks. & Thanks for the reply back.

Aloha.

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

Speaking of which....

OMG!!.

I found out this morning from my cousin in the hospital (in kaneohe), called me, & told me that his brother is in the hospital in LVNV has had heart attacks, & will go through 5 bypass on Tuesday Sept. 30 :-(.

I hope & pray to GOD that he makes it out alright!. We wouldn't be able to handle another deaths in our family. My hubby has had his share already .

My coousin in LVNV is in his late 40s nearing 50.

I Hope & pray he (my cousin in LVNV) makes it alright.

SIGH.

Thank God!!. Thank Goodness!!. He made it out out ok, & on the clear!!. I was so happy about my cousin that he made it through his surgery!!.

YAY!!. Thank God!!.

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

For my other cousin who is in Kaneohe, I also in a letter told him that I forgive him too, & also replied to his 5 page letter.

Mine was 8 pages long , but printed it out back & front, so that I would only send out 4 physical pieces of paper .

In Short of a looong letter. I guess I had more to say than he did .

Oh well.

I just hope that he would trully understand from my point of view about everything else that happened, & then some. The letter went out today.

Perhaps, once I get his reply with his clothes sizes, shoes, etc...

We will get some clothes (that he will/might need) for him therefater.

Well, I will be waiting for his lette (if there is one).

night night.

10:20 pm.

[surlygirly]

Re: Helping Family

First of all, I wanted to say I'm very happy your other cousin is doing well.

Serenity, you asked for our opinions earlier in the board. I hope it's okay if I'm candid with you. I have had someone very close to me go through and recover from a meth addiction, and I am also involved with an NA related group and am in school working on becoming an LCDC (licensed chemical dependecy counselor). So I can bring some experience to the table. Don't worry, I'm not going to share my story with you, because it's not about me.

I am just hopping that it is not because of all the drugs that he has taken through out his life that, it has been affecting him in his way of thinking, and the reasons why he is acting the way he is now towards me........

Depending on what kind of drugs he was doing, what age he started them at, and for how long he was using- yes, they most likely affected his brain. It takes several years for damage to the judgement part of the brain to recover. Do you know if he's completely clean? That may have a big impact on his behavior.

From all of the things you've said- how he only comes around when it's convienent for him and when he wants something, how he treats you badly, etc....it sounds like he hasn't completely gotten out of the life. And once you're into hard drugs, your whole life revolves around it. You can't help it. When you're not using, you're stoned or coming down, or you're thinking about where your next hit is coming from. That's it. The drug takes over your brain and rewires your thinking process so you can't think about anything else.

You can try to intervene. You can talk to him, threaten him, coax, beg, or shout. But sadly, until HE makes the decision to get clean, he won't. If you commit him, sure he'll go through the motions and he might even stay clean for a while, but until HE decides it's time, he won't stay that way. I had to learn that the hard way with one of my best friends. And you look at someone you love, you see them pissing their life away, and you wonder "How can you not see what you're doing to yourself?" But they can't. And no one can force them to change.

Right now, he knows that you will help him. The rest of your family has cut him off because they're tired of being used. I know it weighs on your conscience, but you really have to ask yourself it you're helping him more right now or if you would be helping him more by not enabling him. Each door that closes to him right now is one more reason for him to clean himself up. And he knows this, or he wouldn't have written you that letter.

And he may not, and you will have to live with that decision. I completely understand how hard this is for you. But please think of yourself. Trust me- he's not.

I'm sorry if I have offended you in any way, because that was not my intention. I just hate to see you go through this heartache. It's very hard to see a situation clearly when you're in the midst of it.

Good luck to you. You're in my thoughts.

SG

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

First of all, I wanted to say I'm very happy your other cousin is doing well.

Awww, Thank you :-)

I'm sorry if I have offended you in any way, because that was not my intention. I just hate to see you go through this heartache. It's very hard to see a situation clearly when you're in the midst of it.

Nope. Non taken. It's cool. I thank you you so much for sharing your side of knowledge in public to help me out with my cousin, like this. I am just glad at this point, his residence for now is in Kaneohe.

Don't know if it is a good thing that we have not gone to visit, but mainly because of the economy so low, that the gas prices are so high that it is hard for us to go that far of a distance.

Good luck to you. You're in my thoughts.

SG

Thanks again for sharing.

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

Regarding my cousin in LV NV, .....

My mom goes to visit him in the hospital, & lets me know any new & beter statues with my cosuin.

I heard that he is getting much better. The nurses there gives him some walking therapy. The other day, I couldn't barely talk to him on the phone, & he sounded so tired .

Atleast that my cousin feels that someone in the family visits him even though he (the other day) couldn't talk much.

I just hope & pray to God that he (my cosusin in LV NV) continues to be better each & everyday .

I can't wait for him to be on his feet again, & beable to be independent again.

I heard that before he left to go in the hospital, his girlfriend gave him a cell phone (that's nice). Then when they got into a fight, she took the cell phone back. GAWD!!. She's such a jerk!!.

I hope she better comes around soon & Kiss & makes up with him & apologizes!!. Otherwise, when he is better, my mom & I don't know where he'll beable to stay.

Life is too damn short to cary a chip on her shoulder & cary that anger with her, but what ~ ever!!.

nite nite. 10:10 pm

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

Regarding my cousin in LV NV, .....

My cousin seems to be getting better each time I call to talk to him .

He says that he will be leaving the hospital sometime Wednesday.

That sure is quick . He though that he would end up being there for a couple of weeks or so.

I am glad that he will be doing much better enough to be able to walk on his own. I am also thinking that him & his girlfriend has worked things out. I sure do hope so. He also mentioned that he wants to move & live here in Oahu Hawaii. I really would like that, but it is kind of expensive to live here, I hope that he can find the righ job & a place to live. Maybe it's kind of better any ways, him moving back here. It wont be as convenient going to casinos there as it is here, & ther is No casino places that he can get into ( I Hope).

Aloha.