Seeking Local Advice

[chriscollado]

Re: Seeking Local Advice

One thing I've noticed with brash people is that they get really pissy with things they themselves are so intimidated by. Ultra macho guys afraid of finding their "feminine" side take it out on gay guys. Same goes for women who have to denigrade other women just to make themselves a cut above.

In other words some people like to lower the playing field below them because they can't seem to rise above it. It's easier to criticize others than to improve yourself. Believe it or not they are more intimidated by you than you are of them, so they play the bully card just to scare you first.

Be proud of your culture but don't be overbearing about it. I know a Mexican guy here in Hilo who is so proud of his heritage that he cannot see why locals are so pissed off at him when he does the, "In Mexico we don't have that problem because we're better than you," attitude. Who wouldn't?

Here in Hawaii we have pretty much adopted a wide range of cultures that ultimately came out "local style" or a mix of a lot of ethnicities in which some work and others don't.

One thing I learned when I was in Idaho for four years was to speak softly and ask questions. Nobody likes a loud obnoxious person. I found myself being accepted faster than when I was this local boy from Hawaii proving to all in Mountain Home, Idaho that Hawaii was No Ka Oi and the rest of the world was a distant 2nd.

And don't compare your culture with ours. Oh man that's sure to get another opinion out in the conversation real quick. You came to Hawaii for a reason, you left your other residence for a reason too. Some try to bring those reasons why they left, here to Hawaii and soon they become the problem they were trying to get away from.

When I moved from Honolulu to the Big Island, I found myself saying stuff like, "I'm from Honolulu" to the locals here. The look I got back was, "so what...that makes you better than me?"

Now being here for almost 2-years, I loathe when someone from Honolulu looks at me in the eyes and says, "In Honolulu this and in Honolulu that..." I respond with, "Yeah yeah and that's the reason why I left Honolulu after 44 years of that crap." You in Hilo now, leave Honolulu back on Oahu and enjoy this island for what it has to offer.

Speak softly and ask questions...remember you were attracted to the islands for a reason...time to be a student and learn our culture. Pretty soon you'll discover that Hawaii isn't as complicated as the rest of the world and you'll fit in sooner than later. Heck I did that and soon all of my Idahoan friends accepted me for all of my "less than red-necked" deficiencies and the last three years in Idaho was a fun and enjoyable place to be in.

Now if this full-blooded Japanese from Hawaii could walk into "The Oregon Trail" Saloon complete with swinging bar doors and be greeted warmly by my Arian Nation buddies... sipping on their Budweisers while their Ford F-150's sit outside guarded by their hound dawgs and their 12-guage shotguns sit in their gunracks...I think you can acclimate yourself to Hawaii as well.

When in Rome...

Good point. That is pretty much why I started this thread. It was my attempt in asking questions. I appreciate your advice and from all that have posted and will take it to heart.

[chriscollado]

Re: Seeking Local Advice

Well I get off soon so I will check for more advice tomorrow.

Until then,

¡Sueñan con los angelitos!

(Dream with the angels)

Chris

[Menehune Man]

Re: Seeking Local Advice

Howzit Chris!
I just wanted to say please don't feel you or your family need to change to be accepted. In otherwords, dress how you feel comfortable change your style if or when you like. I myself am a 'local' raised white guy. Sometimes when I go out for a day I wear Hawaii T-shirts and get asked where I'm visiting from. Sometimes rudely, but I just say I'm home and laugh about it. You'll make some good friends here. In many ways people are the best they can be in Hawaii, if if someone does have a problem, remember that's their problem not yours. I wish you and yours all the very Best! Aloha...

[1stwahine]

Re: Seeking Local Advice

Hui Chris! I would Love to have the honor of meeting you and your lovely family! I would also want to spend a few hours with you and your Ohana if you don't mind- in Ewa Beach or anywhere you would like to go...my treat.

Auntie Lynn

[Mahi Waina]

Re: Seeking Local Advice

Aloha Chris,

Take up slack key guitar! You can tell everyone how Mexican Vaqueros tought the Paniolos how to herd cattle and play guitar in the 1830's.

Ignore negative people, and attract positive people.

[Erika Engle]

Re: Seeking Local Advice

Aloha Chris ... we HT posters can be a pretty positive bunch, huh? I have much respect for the people who've responded to your situation here.

Being half-Japanese (and half-Caucasian) I experienced racism as a youth on the mainland ... stupidity directed at me by schoolmates who were raised by parents who's idiocy was passed on to them because of the war, or whatever. In the mid-1970s they still had VJ Day parades in one community in Illinois, according to a friend of mine! (Don't know if that or other towns still do.)

I would like for you to know that Hawaii does have a large and varied Hispanic population. One of the ladies my sister used to hang out with was from the Dominican Republic and I just LOVED her accent. Then again, I love accents, dialects, etc.

You might connect up with some Hispanic resources here to expand your "support system" and ask others how they merged into the local culture.

Centro Hispano de Hawaii is one possible touch-point.

My Saturday evening radio program of choice, Sabor Tropical, is hosted by Ray Cruz from 5 to 8 p.m. at KIPO-FM 89.3; his show has a new feature now, news briefs for the Hispanic community, read by long-time Hispanic community leader Jose Villa ... Ray's show also features, around 6:30p.m. a "report of the week" mostly focused on nightclub happenings, but when there are other Hispanic community events coming up, he talks about those as well.

There's also Mercado de la Raza on Beretania Street, a grocer/retailer specializing in Latino food items you may not be able to find at a mainstream grocery store. That may prove to be a good touch-point for you and your family as well.

I think it's fair to say that we've all had customer service experiences and driving experiences that were unfair/maddening/frightful, etc., for various reasons.

The kind of treatment you are receiving is disgraceful. Nevertheless, that behavior reveals a character flaw in the person dishing out such treatment. They're the pitiful and pathetic ones.

As long as YOU stay positive and friendly, you'll never give anyone a reason to treat you badly. People may still treat you badly, but that would be because of the aforementioned character flaw.

[Pomai]

Re: Seeking Local Advice

I agree about the advice of just being yourself. Still, Craig's advice of "Doing as the Romans do" helps sometimes too. Learn some basic pidgin english. It helps when you're dealing with locals who will only respect you when you fit in with THEM.

I've visited some rural areas of the neighbor islands where pidgin is ALL they speak. When they knew I was from Oahu - then spoke with them in PROPER ENGLISH, they shut me out like a bad disease. "Oh look 'dis punk from Oahu, tink he bettah 'den us". But as soon as I dropped in a few "brah.. you know da' 'kine"... they immediately welcomed me with open arms like one of "da braddahs".

Most importantly, treat others as you would want to be treated. That may not work in some places where survival means kill or be killed, but it works here. That's the basics of the Aloha spirit, which is still alive only if you and I live it.

As Erika said, other peoples bad attitudes - whether in Hawaii or ANYWERE - is their problem. If you're a good person, then you belong living in Hawaii. Most people who live here are.

[jkpescador]

Re: Seeking Local Advice

Chris in time you'll probably find some people that you do bond with and they will be lasting friends. Sometimes there maybe a bigger lesson being thought by the man above ... is it patience? Maybe.

If you say aloha or use the shaka symbol be sure you mean it. People can tell if you're just going through the motions.

Live Aloha ... I wish more people would actually practice this instead of just thinking it's a nice sticker to put on your car.

[pzarquon]

Re: Seeking Local Advice

Wow. I get shoved my little old ladies in stores, get stink eye waiting in line with my kids at a carnival, get tailgated then cut off with a vengance, and I've lived here all my life.

People will be rude wherever you go. On balance, I find them less rude here than most places I've been. If I've had a bad day or a have a chip on my shoulder about som.ething, I'll swear everyone is against me. But thankfully since I've had kids, I've learned not to sweat it. Kill 'em with kindness. I like the Hawaii I live in better than the one some of these unpleasant people live in.

And the thing about holding up traffic, against the norms of driving, just to be nice? I've only seen that here and am surprised you attribute it to Texas. Sometimes, like in Waimanalo, it's just the way things are done... but most of the time, it drives me nuts. My fellow locals can't merge or negotiate a four way stop to save their lives. Being nice on the road is one thing, creating a hazard trying to do so is another thing entirely.

Anyway, my point is, don't sweat it, and stop looking for the next slight -- you'll always find it. Instead, look for the next random act of kindness... and the next opportunity to commit one.

Oh, and come to the next HawaiiThreads gathering. You'll have more friends than you'll know what to do with.

[Glen Miyashiro]

Re: Seeking Local Advice

I don't want to assume too much, but... Chris, when you and your wife are out around other people here, do you speak in Spanish a lot? Most people here don't speak Spanish and might be uncomfortable if you're talking in front of them in a language they can't understand.

[pzarquon]

Re: Seeking Local Advice

By the by, I wanted to compliment Erika on her most informative reply. Even I wasn't aware of where some of the hispanic resources could be found.

I also wanted to revisit a couple of things Craig said:

And don't compare your culture with ours. Oh man that's sure to get another opinion out in the conversation real quick. You came to Hawaii for a reason, you left your other residence for a reason too. Some try to bring those reasons why they left, here to Hawaii and soon they become the problem they were trying to get away from.

I think I know where he's coming from. Obviously, when people come to Hawaii, it's impossible to not be in awe (mostly) of how different it is... but depending on how you express such impressions, you might give folks the wrong idea. "You know, back in {x} we did things {y} way" could be a reasonable conversation starter, but it could also sound like you're dissatisfied with what's in front of you. And even if you are, the difference can be something worth exploring and savoring, rather than dissecting.

I know you are not this way, but as you can imagine, someone who starts every sentence with, "Well, in Seattle..." or "Well, in Texas..." can grate on you fairly quickly.

Be proud of your culture but don't be overbearing about it.

Again, I don't think this is the case here, but the thought did remind me of the freeway incident you wrote about. Many of us may express our essence on the bumpers of our cars, be it a Dominican Republic flag, a Hawaiian flag, a gay pride flag, an Apple sticker, a Calvin-peeing-on-a-Honda-logo sticker... And there's nothing wrong with that. However, you'll have to expect that some people will get needlessly bent out of shape about it, and take your proclamation of pride or attitude as a personal affront.

I had a big "Vote No on Nov. 3" sign in the window of my car back in 1998 (related to the state definition of marriage). It may have been all in my head (it probably was), but I sure felt an unusually high level of bad juju being directed at me.

Who knows. Given the messy history the U.S. has with the Dominican Republic, maybe it was just a sore spot with that woman. Hell, maybe she was military rather than local.

[Miulang]

Re: Seeking Local Advice

Kinda the same thing happened at Ooka Supermarket before it closed down last year. Many of the cashiers and other workers were Filipino immigrants and had a habit of speaking Tagalog in front of their customers (many of whom were Japanese). So the customers raised a stink about the workers speaking in Tagalog and the owner had to tell his workers to speak English when they were working with the customers. I guess the Japanese shoppers felt like maybe the Filipino workers were saying bad things about them behind their backs!

Miulang

[tutusue]

Re: Seeking Local Advice

[...]a Calvin-peeing-on-a-Honda-logo sticker... And there's nothing wrong with that. However, you'll have to expect that some people will get needlessly bent out of shape about it, and take your proclamation of pride or attitude as a personal affront.[...]

I want one of those Calvin stickers. Where do I sign up?!!!

More than a couple of decades ago I had a "Ho hum...just another $h!tty day in paradise" bumper sticker on my car. To this day, my youngest daughter has not forgiven me for that!

When I moved to Makaha 14 years ago, and because my car was not typical for the area, I made sure I had a bumper sticker on it that, hopefully, would show that I lived in the area. I sold that car, bought another 'atypical for the area' car and, once again, added another "Makaha" sticker. Then I found a "Waianae No Ka Oi" license plate frame! I just sold that car, bought yet another 'atypical' car and immediately added another "Makaha" sticker. Then I realized I'd forgotten about the license plate frame on my old car. I contacted the new owner and she said I can have it back! Since I don't really look like I'm in Rome I feel I need to at least show some semblance that I am in Rome!

[Menehune Man]

Re: Seeking Local Advice

TutuSue, I can totally understand the protective actions taken on your part for your car, especially out there. It's a weird phenomenon in humans that we expect others to change and be like "us" as much as possible to be accepted. I noticed that you chose to still have an atypical car. Good for you!

I ams what I ams... I grew up here so can speak pidgen if needed but choose not to. I'm a pleasant fellow (most times) and if someone chooses not to accept me for me, too _ _ _ _ bad. Their loss.

In otherwords, in my opinion, to fit into any community we shouldn't be difficult or snobbish in our ways, but at the same time not to change who we really are to please others.

[haole_pupule]

Re: Seeking Local Advice

Buenos Dias Chris,

Mucho Gusto y Bienvinudo a Hawaii!

I have lived here for two years, and I travel a lot to Asia. I have seen a lot of similarities between certain things that you have mentioned and cultural characterisitics of asian countries.

First off, in the list of things you mentioned experiencing, I noticed you said something about someone bumping into you and not saying excuse me. This is very common especially amongst Japanese people. They never say excuse me. They will never hold the door for you. They will never say thank you if you were to hold a door for them. You will be lucky if they make any effort at all to look at you or acknowledge your existance. The smug judgemental stairs are also very common. They tend to do this to each other too, so don't take it too personally.

The best thing to do would be to find a club or some sort of sport that would provide a method for you to meet some local people. Outrigger canoe clubs are usually made up of good people that are pretty friendly. Plus it is a great work out and an opportunity to get involved with something fun and cultural.

There are some really great people here, but it just takes a lot of time to find them. Also, don't think it is anything personally against you or your race. There are a lot of asian cultural differences that are hard to figure out at first.

I have to say that the one that still pisses me off to this day is when you go into a restaurant like a Korean Barbecue and they give everyone chopsticks until whitey walks up and then they give you a plastic fork and spoon assuming that you can't use chopsticks.