Local Jokes

[Krash Kolohe]

Re: Local Jokes

My cousin just graduated from the last class of cadets
at the Honolulu Police Academy.

As is the case, the rookies get the junk "beats", like
China Town and Waikiki pulling the 11 - 7 shift. It
sucks.

One day I see him wit his kids down Ala Moana.
I ask him how it's going. He says: "Hoo man, summer
time is the worst."

I ask him why.

He sez: "The kidz are all out of school, you get
tourist kids on vacation ... Waikiki goes nutz at
nite and that's when me and my partner work."

"In fact, the other nite," he continues, " we get
one call that some kidz when climb the fence at
Honolulu Zoo. So him and me go check it out.
We find three kidz running around the zoo grounds."

"ok" I say.

"...so we grab the three kids...line 'em up against
the wall and start questioning 'em."

"Wot your name? Where you from?
Wot you doing here?"

The first kid says: "My name Manual Pacheco. I stay
from Palolo Valley and I came to feed peanuts to da
lions."

My partner says: "Stupid portagee kid..get out of
here and don't come back."

The next kid says: My name Sufi Maiava. I live up
Kalihi Valley and I came feed peanuts to da lions."

I say: "Stupid solly kid..dum ass portagee..get outta
hea and don't come back."

The third kid has his hair all messed up, his glasses
is broken on his face, he has scratches all
over his arms and he is crying...

He says: "um...m-m-m-m....mah name Peanuts."

[Mokihana]

Re: Local Jokes

He says: "um...m-m-m-m....mah name Peanuts."

Oh, good wun!!!

[lurkah]

Re: Local Jokes

He says: "um...m-m-m-m....mah name Peanuts."

Eh...dat buggah sounds like one parody of Braddah IZ's famous "Bubbles" joke.

[Mokihana]

Re: Local Jokes

Eh...dat buggah sounds like one parody of Braddah IZ's famous "Bubbles" joke.

yeah, das wat I tot too....

[lurkah]

Re: Local Jokes

yeah, das wat I tot too....

No lie, Moki. Dat oni wen occur to you (AGAIN) aftah I said it.

Scuze eh folks but we get past history regarding dis kine stuffs.

[Mokihana]

Re: Local Jokes

No lie, Moki. Dat oni wen occur to you (AGAIN) aftah I said it.

Scuze eh folks but we get past history regarding dis kine stuffs.

u can believe wat u like, but I know da trut! I nevah say um cuz i no like spoil da fun. So jass shup!

[lurkah]

Re: Local Jokes

So jass shup!

What? Why?
Boddah you?
You like beef o wat?
Go meet me aftah school down da rivah.


Eh Krash, you gotta come back me up brah!

[Serenity]

Re: Local Jokes

eh....
you guys....
wot you doing?
this is supose to be one "local joke"
thread. No fight 'ova 'hea.
Jus kiss & make up al-redy.
Gee, hope you guys
doing this for one joke.
If not, den, kiss & make up,
or else.
Shees. I stay getting mad
ova hea,now, 'cause
I see you guys stay
getting mad at each adduh.
I like everyone jus
be frenz!. k?. Aloha.
plus, you know, "beef" not good
if you guys eat 'em all da time .
Maybe, jus da kine,
eat one bowl of salad,
good, you know?.
So neva mind, da beef, k?
Salad, 'mo betta.

[lurkah]

Re: Local Jokes

Gee, hope you guys doing this for one joke.

plus, you know, "beef" not good
if you guys eat 'em all da time .
Maybe, jus da kine,
eat one bowl of salad,
good, you know?.
So neva mind, da beef, k?
Salad, 'mo betta.

Eh Serenity, me and Mokihana go way back and I would be lolo fo go beef wit her fo real because she would karaang my dakines and would take me days fo recovah. But dass da oni way I can keep her from always echoing stuffs dat I say anden making like she wen tink um up too. But I know she no can help herself because she Portagee too. Oh and by da way, I like my steaks Hawaiian salted and on da rarer side of medium rare dripping wit blood ovah hot rice. So you can go toss da salad.

[admin]

Re: Local Jokes

Are there any more local jokes to share, or are we done here?

[lurkah]

Re: Local Jokes

Are there any more local jokes to share, or are we done here?

Wow brah, you run one real tight ship eh? Does there have to be a "done" or "pau" for a thread like Local Jokes? Leave da thread open. I can take one hint. Sayonara, a hui hou.

[Mokihana]

Keep da joke page up!!

In Japan, Sony Vaio machines have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with their own Japanese haiku poetry.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Web site you seek
Can not be located but
Countless more exist
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask way too much.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

[Mokihana]

Re: Local Jokes

LEARN TO SPEAK CHINESE...

Ai Bang Mai Ne: I bumped into the coffee table
Ar U Wun Tu: A gay liberation greeting
Chin Tu Fat: You need a face lift
Dum Gai: A stupid person
Gun Pao Der: An ancient Chinese invention
Hu Flung Dung: Which one of you fertilized the field?
Hu Yu Hai Ding: We have reason to believe you are harboring a
fugitive
Jan Ne Ka Sun: A former late night talk show host
Kum Hia: Approach me
Lao Ze Sho: Gilligan’s Island
Lao Zi Not: very good
Lin Ching: An illegal execution
Moon Lan Ding: Achievement of the American space program
Ne Ahn: A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
Shai Gai: A bashful person
Tai Ne Bae Be: A premature infant
Tai Ne Po Ne: A small horse
Ten Ding Ba: Serving drinks to people
Wan Bum Lung: A person with T.B.
Yu Mai Te Tan: Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you
Wa Shing Kah: Cleaning an automobile
Wai So Dim: Are you trying to save electricity?
Wai U Shao Ting: There is no reason to raise your voice
Si-Ling Fan: A device to keep you cool

[Mokihana]

Re: Local Jokes

Help Da Kanaka


Keoki is in bed with his wife, Nani when there is a knocking on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning.

"I not going get out of bed now," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.

"You going answer that?" says Nani.

So Keoki drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and dere is large Hawaiian man standing at the door. It didn't take Keoki long to realize dis Kanaka was drunk.

"Howzeet," slurs the Kanaka. "Can, give me one push, or what brah??"

"No, beat it! It's tree-turty in da morning. I stay sleeping already," he says. Then Keoki slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells Nani what happened and she says, "Keoki, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember dat night we broke down in da pouring ua on the way for pick up
da kids from da baby sitter and you had to knock on dat man's house foa help jes to get us started again? What woulda happen if dat guy told us foa beat it??"

"But da guy stay drunk," says the Keoki.

"No matter," says Nani "He needs our help and dat's da Christian thing foa do to help him."

So Keoki gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes
downstairs. Keoki opens the door, and cannot see dat Kanaka anywhere. Keoki shouts, "Hooooiiiii bruddah, you still like one push??"

And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, can please???"

Still Keoki no can see the Kanaka, he shouts, "Ey, Braddah, where you?"

And the Kanaka replies, "I stay ova here...

... On top your swing."

[Mokihana]

Re: Local Jokes

Eh Serenity, me and Mokihana go way back and I would be lolo fo go beef wit her fo real because she would karaang my dakines and would take me days fo recovah. But dass da oni way I can keep her from always echoing stuffs dat I say anden making like she wen tink um up too. But I know she no can help herself because she Portagee too.

Das rite. I try keep him in line, but he stay outa control. He no can stand dat somebody else get da same ideas dat he get.

Us two been beefin' foah yeahs now. So no worry, yeah.